To paraphrase Batman, "People in the entertainment industry are a superstitious and cowardly lot." Thus, I use nom de plumes, not only for myself, but for my friends, too. I change the names to protect the... um, I don't think "innocent," really applies to any of my friends... Let's just say nice people who have something to lose. Plus, I don't want people clamming up around me for fear that they might be quoted.
I'll cop to it. I say a lot of goofy shit. Sometimes, I rant like a street preacher. I'll exaggerate, embellish and even bald-faced lie just to get a laugh. Here, in a public forum, what I say is most definitely for effect. It really should go without saying, but I'm not to be taken seriously. I mean about a tenth of what I say, maybe even less sometimes.
Sometimes I might just say something because I like the way the words sound. I'm flighty that way.
I do two things well: tell stories and talk shit. And I speak the truth when I say that I set up this blog more to do the former more than the latter. The latter, well, that just kind of happens. The problem is that, well, living in this city and doing what I do, I come across a lot of famous people, and know a lot of people who know a lot of people, and so on.
The City of Angles (yes, I meant to spell it that way!) is an incestuous burg.
So, even while I'm not doing "D. Vinehamner's Celebrity Hatefest," shit will come up. And I don't want people like That Huge Assfreak Bruce Willis to come after my friends and their employers.
I'll give you an example: take for instance what I just said about That Huge Assfreak Bruce Willis. People Google. Now I'm not saying that That Huge Assfreak Bruce Willis is so narcissitic that he'd regularly Google his own name. Actually, underneath all my shit talking, I think he'd probably be an all right cat to hang out with and I like a lot of his movies.
You know he knows his way around a bar, and even though his album sucked, I know for a fact he's at least heard of the fucking Staples Singers - and that counts for a lot. He's probably got a band room in his mansion, stocked with the best axes and sound equipment, and he probably wouldn't bust your balls for wanting to play the good guitars.
It's just that if I were a woman, and I were drinking with the man... and I were to pass out, I'd do everything I could to make sure my butthole was facing a goddam WALL!
But let's say for the sake of argument, that I've written the story of how I found out that That Huge Assfreak Bruce Willis is so into posterior piracy (which I'm sure is all with chicks, by the way). And say I named names or anything else that might clue That Assfreak Bruce Willis' "people" into, not so much who I am, but who my friends are.
Best case scenario, That Huge Assfreak Bruce Willis' "people" find an obscure entry in a blog (or perphaps an off-the-beaten-path magazine), and tell the site to have me rip down the entry about el hefe being a rump-ranger. [Although I'm positive that it's with chicks and chicks only - That Assfreak Bruce Willis is all man I tells ya!]
Or I'd write a retraction to the effect of: That Huge Assfreak Bruce Willis isn't so much of an ass FREAK, per se. He's just like most of us - he likes it when he can get it, but a "no" isn't a deal-breaker in a relationship.
But let's also say, for the purpose of illustration, that That Huge Assfreak Bruce Willis takes it personally, can't see that what I write here is tantamount to the maniacal rantings of a homeless person, and that it's probably not true and that I'm a drop in the bucket. I call it "The Tom Cruise Effect."
Now if I'd written, at some other time, about having lunch with my completely fictitious - not even remotely real in any way, shape or form - friend, Sy Rabinowitz, an assistant in the publicity department at Fox. Well, in order to get to me, "Senor Culo" might call up Sy's boss, to put the screws to Sy to cough up my name, or even worse, poor ol' Sy gets fired simply for being associated with the likes of me. And say that Assfreak Bruce Willis goes even further, tracking down MY source, getting this person fired from their gig?
Don't balk. I know some pretty frightening firing stories. It's a weird industry.
NOTE: I only used That Huge Assfreak Bruce Willis as a place holder. I was really talking about Frank Stallone.
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